@zacharyflynn: One time a girl told me to take off her shirt and I was like wow ok it doesn't really fit me anyway.
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@PastorBate: I've been washing my hair with Ranch dressing for 13 years because the bottle doesn't say not to do that.
@weinerdog4life: Don't ever ask a burrito if you should eat it, it will always say no, because burritos are really smart.
@JiminyKicksIt: I'm not suggesting Cher is a nazi, but at no point during "If I Could Turn Back Time" does she mention killing Hitler.
@bggas400: You never know how many people are out jogging early in the morning till you back out of your driveway with frost covered windows.