@Underchilde: One time, a woman admitted she was wrong, but the government covered it up.
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@Rlpihl: First guy to invent a bread bowl was like "I'm gonna rip the top of this muffin & pour soup in it"
@TheMichaelRock: According to HR, white people aren't issued a race card, and they'd appreciate if I went back to my desk. *shrugs*
@KeetPotato: GF: "you're so childish" me: "it's my day too linda" [we sit in silence] wedding planner: "so is that a yes or a no on the bouncy castle?"
@MandiAtRandom: Him: Will you marry me? Me: omg what did I do, why don't you want to have sex with me anymore?