@Carter_TCB: One time I accidentally gave my cat acid. Thought he would really freak out but he just looked at me calmly and said meow for 10 hours.
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@realHamOnWry: I'm still not sure how the church expects me to do all that kneeling and standing and praying on just that one little wafer they feed you.
@lovemyboots111: Ladies, if your man says he'll fix it, he will. There's no reason to remind him every 6 months.
@OmarImranTweets: 13 year old girls be like "I need a man who.. " Lol the only Man in your life should be Spongebob. Yallah go finish your homework.
@IAmMikeFeeney: "Excellent choice, sir. And what temperature would you like me to microwave your steak to?" - The Honest Applebees Server