@moooooog35: One time I brought my kids to work with me and now my boss is way more tolerant of my drinking.
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@iGreenMonk: Some day when scientists discover the center of the universe, many people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them.
@TheAlexP: Does it make you an acrobat if you get suspended from the chandelier by your drawers after falling over the 2nd floor railing?
@BassoonJokes: The holidays are coming. If you do NOT want snakes please send me a notarized letter asking for NO SNAKES. Otherwise you are getting snakes.
@MourningGlory_: My 22-year-old cousin: My biggest fear in life is that I won't make a difference, that I'll be insignificant. Me: It's really not that bad