@moooooog35: One time I brought my kids to work with me and now my boss is way more tolerant of my drinking.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: I put my Barbie in the tanning bed. Me: You don’t have a Barbie tanning bed. 4: Me: *sprints to the toaster*
@WilliamAder: Bought one of those SMTWTFS, but I can't pronounce that so I just call it a pill box.
@onelongbender: Watching my son's soccer game in the cold and rain cuz I'm a good Mom. From my heated car cuz I'm not a total idiot.
@Jardisliketardi: The three ages of bureaucrat: Age 25: Why don’t I get to go to any meetings? Age 35: I feel so validated by attending all these important meetings Age 42: I will do anything legal to avoid godforsaken meetings