@dulcetry: One time I got so nervous when a guy took off his pants in front of me I said "friggity diggity" please do not rt
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@BuckyIsotope: Fired from my job as an autopsy technician for repeatedly asking "are you gonna eat that?" during the procedures.
@IAmMikeFeeney: What they say: "Hey, have you lost weight?" What they mean: "Hey, I remember you being a lot fatter. What gives?"
@sara_ashlynn: My daughter said, "You're the best mommy ever!" I'm really proud that she's learning sarcasm at such a young age.
@CurlsOnGirls: I love people who order coffee like they're giving the pass code to a missile defense system.