@buhsbaby_baby: One time I invited a guy over for dinner but I didn't feel like cooking so I just poured us each a bowl of cereal really romantically.
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@causticbob: My wife said "You only love me because my father left me a million pounds." "That's not true, I'd still love you whoever left it to you"
@Book_Krazy: Dawn's coming over. "Dawn from work, or crazy Dawn?" *Dawn walks in* "WELL WELL WELL, if it isn't the lady I'm framing for murder.
@K_blue: Playing hide and seek in my office building because they can't fire you if they can't find you.
@Pork_Chop_Hair: When she rips his shirt open in the movies, it's sexy and romantic. But when I try it, he's all "Your Pap smear is normal, but please don't do that with your toes every time".