@buhsbaby_baby: One time I invited a guy over for dinner but I didn't feel like cooking so I just poured us each a bowl of cereal really romantically.
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@KattsDogma: [Spelling Bee] Judge: Your word is 'babe' Bee: B-A-E J: Sorry. There's another 'B' Bee: WHAT! WHERE? *goes crazy* *stings Judge* *dies*
@_davidlucas_: *Buying flowers* Sales girl: Would you like the receipt? Me: Sure! If they don't work, I'll be bringing them back.
@redhotirish75: My neighbors headboard kept me up last night so I yelled," the guy last night made her scream louder." Then it got quiet..
@i_Lean: "Name him Mufasa, it means "king" in Manazoto. And uh, we'll call HIM Scar. Because his face." Simba's grandparents were the real villains.