@VerbsRProudest: One time I knocked my hot curling iron off the sink & caught it in my open palm because I have the catlike reflexes of a dim-witted ninja.
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@bytaylorcox: A "lady" and a "woman" are exactly the same thing unless they are prefaced with cat.
@Iwriteforcats: The best part of marriage is when your spouse goes on a diet and you don't have to share your snacks.
@ComedyCarter: In life, God is my co-pilot. Unfortunately He is on the no-fly list thanks to His ties to several extremist groups.