@noog: One time I made a snowman and gave him a cucumber nose. Carrot noses are the standard protocol but I'm what u would call a rebel.
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@texasstalkermom: Want his attention? Send nudes Want to piss him off? When he responds, reply "Oops, wrong person"
@PetrickSara: My husband watched me clean the entire house today, and then asked me if I had a relaxing day. I get why the spouse is the first suspect.
@TheAlexP: Does it make you an acrobat if you get suspended from the chandelier by your drawers after falling over the 2nd floor railing?
@1_swarthy_dude: Me:*smashes car window to rescue baby* Her:"WTF I was getting the stroller from the trunk!" Me:"Yeah, but you had Coldplay on the radio."