@underchilde: I’m just going to keep telling people they’re pretty until someone offers to pay for my laser eye surgery.

@_Water_Baby: Endless love does not extend to my root beer float. That second straw is decorative.

@SpenceDen: I carry my checkbook with me everywhere just in case someone wants to be paid in the least convenient way possible.

@LOsepyan: I had a one night stand yesterday..but then today I decided to return it to ikea

@highwaytohelv: I'm getting concerned that Beyonce never told those single ladies to put their hands down and now there's a bunch of unfed cats out there.