@erica_rosie: One time I smashed my face into a keyboard and accidentally wrote the fifth Twilight book.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars Me: That’d wreck the economy 5: I just- Me: Go to your room until you understand inflation
@SatansTongue: *Dentistry school* Here's your final: *stabs student* Why is he bleeding "Because you stabbed him?" FAIL "Because he doesn't floss" CORRECT!
@TheBoydP: Top Five Accountant Taboos: 5. Unreconciled difference 4. Doesn't foot & crossfoot 3. No journal entry support 2. Cooking the books 1. Sex
@fred_dog: Do you know how many poisonous apples I'd have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?