@MrRamBillings: One time I was so high, my flatscreen fell off the wall and I thought it was just part of the movie.
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@fightforfood: I'm not saying Goldilocks was a piece of shit, but she broke into someone's house and just started eating their breakfast.
@AbrasiveGhost: [torturing terrorist] [plays EDM] [beat rises] [beat keeps rising] [beat rises endlessly] Terrorist: MAKE IT DROP I'LL TELL U ANYTHING
@krisv_723: Of course I work out. I do burpees after drinking pop. I do lunges to grab the last slice of pizza & squats if I drop it.
@turtledumplin: Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he's going to the clinic for a 'work related' injury.