@MrRamBillings: One time I was so high, my flatscreen fell off the wall and I thought it was just part of the movie.
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@PaulyPeligroso: My mind's telling me "No!" But my body, my body's telling me "There's that chicken salad in the fridge."
@NotBachibawlz: I yelled at my wife "Your miniskirt is way too short!!" "Thats because its made for a woman" she replied "Now take it off & give it to me"
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I just got asked to work on a "special project" which is boss for "This was assigned to me but you're smarter so here you do it."
@daemonic3: [having heart attack] HELP...CAN'T...MOVE ME: Dude, are you ok?! [faintly] CALL...ME...A...DOCTOR ME: Oh, sorry!! Doctor, are you ok?!