@HumanPog: one time i went to the bathroom and i didn't know my xbox headset was still on and the other gamers heard me give myself a pep talk
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@SamuelHLowe: - Do you take a shower after having sex? - Yes, of course. - Well, how about getting laid a little more often.
@TheRomanParker: Oh, you like Five Guys hamburgers more than In-N-Out? *unfollows *blocks *stews *hires assassin on Craigslist *unblocks to monitor situation
@SteveMartinToGo: Whenever I hear someone died of natural causes, I think, "Wait a minute. I have that."