@HumanPog: one time i went to the bathroom and i didn't know my xbox headset was still on and the other gamers heard me give myself a pep talk
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@KateWhineHall: Advice for life: 1. Be kind. 2. Be brave. 3. Make sure your garage door is all the way up before backing out.
@Fred_Delicious: "911? Help, my son has gone missing" [baby lowers hands from eyes] "Holy crap he just appeared out of nowhere"