@HumanPog: one time i went to the bathroom and i didn't know my xbox headset was still on and the other gamers heard me give myself a pep talk
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@david8hughes: [first day as homicide detective] Cop: any signs of forced entry? Me: yeah, a bullet somehow forced its way through his face & into his head
@NowAPisces: Today I opened the door to the supply room and four Japanese guys jumped out and yelled "supplies!"
@amishschool: Thirty days sober folks. Not consecutively, but here and there over the years. I'm estimating.
@junejuly12: Maybe leave yourself in a hot car with a window open one inch for 15 minutes while your dog runs into the store