@HumanPog: one time i went to the bathroom and i didn't know my xbox headset was still on and the other gamers heard me give myself a pep talk
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@markleggett: My hairdresser told me that his marriage is crumbling. So, here’s my business idea: A hair salon where they don’t tell me shit like that.
@pplwtching: If someone says, "right about now" and you don't respond with "the funk soul brother" we can't be friends.
@Eden_Eats: Cashier: Your total is $3,896 Me: Can you take off the replacement razor blades? Cashier: OK, that'll be $2.99