@zoeklar: One time John Waters spilled water on me and my mom said "thank god his name isn't John Barbecue Sauce!"
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@donni: Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes
@meganamram: Don't have money for a cab so I keep calling ambulances and telling them I feel better when I'm close to my destination
@truegritrumble: ME:John's coming over for dinner. WIFE:Work John or Been to Europe John? JOHN:*from outside* This door reminds me of one I saw in England.
@SwanieChicken: Is it still a walk of shame if I'm leaving my own house? It ain't like I'm proud of what happened in there.