@weinerdog4life: one time my cousin greg put on two jean jackets and he exploded, there was mustache everywhere
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@KyleMcDowell86: [Friend] Kyle, u have to stop referring to your Ballet Club as a "gang" [Me & my gang all do 2 pirouettes and stop in unison] "Not a chance"
@Try2StopME: Tim Cook: "We're excited to annou-" #Apple fans: "We'll buy it." Tim Cook: "Let me fini-" Apple fans: "We'll buy that too." #iPhone6
@SaddestTiger: sometimes i call watermelons summer pumpkins and nobody ever knows what im talking about.
@fro_vo: Me: my fitbit broke Sales Guy: how Me: i put it on my dog's tail and asked him who's a good boy Sales Guy: if i give you a new one can i see