@weinerdog4life: One time my dad caught me doing homework and made me eat an entire pack of calculators
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@jordan_stratton: My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
@vikkaroni: I'll bet Timmy would never have fallen down that well if his parents would've coughed up the money for a HUMAN instead of a dog babysitter.
@donni: Finally, you get a cab. The driver is a golden retriever. You hop in and hope for the best
@thagr8short1: Why does my mustard bottle insist on peeing in my sandwich before dispensing my mustard?