@TheNardvark: One time my dad caught me smoking an e-cig so he took me out to the shed and made me smoke an entire VCR.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Teen: Your outfit is on fleek! Me: (confused) Yeah well your MOM is on fleek. Teen: (smiles) Thank you! Me: God damn it.
@evilmallelis: things I would say ALL THE TIME were I a Mysterious Widow: -how terribly kind of you -richard LOVED the water -i can't, i'm wearing gloves
@JessiCanadian: 8 teens in the the garage. I hear the miter saw and drill going. I'm just going to sit back and let Darwin take care of things in there.