@weinerdog4life: One time my dad got mad at hulk hogan and yelled "YOURE WASTING SHIRTS" at the TV
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@jonnysun: COP 1: whys there a dead scuba diver in the forest?? COP 2: easy…he was in the water they drop on forest fires WEIRD SERIAL KILLER: no no NO
@AnkCoupleTO: Joining Twitter instead of the circus was a pretty good move considering I'm a freak but not that talented
@Tommytoughstuff: *Puts air guitar back in air case* "Listen if you wanted a "real guitarist" maybe you should put that in the ad!"
@ThisOneSayz: *on phone* He: so where is this going, babe? Me: *dumps pop rocks into mouth* I can't hear you...reception's bad!!