@OBiiieeee: one time my dad walked in on me smoking an E cig and made me eat a whole pack of batteries
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@smashbrown_: Gas prices have me feeling like I'm robbing the gas station. "Just leave, before they change their mind."
@TheCatWhisprer: [pulling the casket a few inches away from the wall during a funeral] sorry just need to plug in my phone for a minute