@Stellacopter: One time my husband asked me to dance for him and I performed the entire Lion King musical to the best of my ability.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Hey U.S.: if every now and then I heard a "God PLEASE bless America", maybe you'd have better luck. #manners
@Geaux2Girl: Your stick-figure family of 6 really isn't necessary. No one sees your minivan and mistakes you for wild and single.
@SadieSkyNinja: Sorry that I took a picture of my armpit and tried to pass it off as my thigh gap.
@HeyZeus666: Typical coworkers. They complain about management, but when it’s time to dispose of the boss’s body, they all pretend to be working.