@Stellacopter: One time my husband asked me to dance for him and I performed the entire Lion King musical to the best of my ability.
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@ch000ch: this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don't know who's winning
@TheHyyyype: tornados have been around forever, so just imagine millions of years ago a brontosaurus was flailing around in a twister
@naazihah: Cop: *looks at license* Says here you need glasses. Me: I have contacts. Cop: I don't care who you know, you're not getting out of this one.
@WeissBrandon: If you plug in a toaster and take it into the bathtub with you, it will get rid of your hiccups.