@mrsjohngoodman: One time my teacher was telling a story about war and the girl in front of me slowly opened her laptop and liked Downy on Facebook.
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@rmfnord: The worst part about crapping my pants at work was having to set the ACCIDENT FREE sign back to zero days in front of everybody.
@Sassafrantz: [text] "Just saw this! I'd love to go to dinner!" Him: That was 3 years ago, I have a wife & kid now. "Bring 'em! Sister Wives is my jam!"