@Donnie_Fairburn: One time someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
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@merican_ninjy: Yelling out "Stranger Danger!" is a good way to say no when a cashier asks for your zip code.
@bourgeoisalien: I like this time of year because I can dig graves in my front yard and people think it's just a cute Halloween display
@envydatropic: They say diffusing essential oils can help relieve stress.........THEY DON'T TELL YOU THAT YOU GET STRESSED OUT FIGURING OUT WHAT ONES!
@InternetHippo: CNN, 1939: Invading Poland made him sexy ;) CNN, 1940: Hitler has developed a disturbing penchant for invasions