@EJGomez: one time this girl pulled me close & said "I'm the girl your mom warned you about" & I said "so you chose bulbasaur as your starter pokemon"
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@themiltron: [working at Bed Bath & Beyond] ME: Hi there, may I help you? What are you looking for? CUSTOMER: Shower head. ME: Sir, please, we just met.
@RealDMK: "Daddy, I want to watch Dora." Sweetie this is Dora. It's the one where she plays an NBA basketball game against the Brooklyn Nets
@SuperRandomish: I imagine the best part about driving a smart car is that when there's no parking spots you can just put it in your backpack.
@BoomBoomBetty: Him: I can’t wait to sit with you and watch the sunsets this summer. Me: Oh that will never happen. Him: Are you breaking up with me? Me: No. It’s just the sun doesn’t set until like 9pm and that’s way past my bedtime.