@JennyJohnsonHi5: One way to find out if you're old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young, if they panic, you're old.
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@werehedgehog: *yawns so wide a bird flies into mouth* *closes mouth* *looks around to see if anyone noticed* *swallows bird* *acts like nothing happened*
@VancityReynolds: People in LA are deathly afraid of gluten. I swear to god, you could rob a liquor store in this city with a bagel.
@GrantTanaka: me: so what, you're gonna be angry at me for the rest of your life wife: no, the rest of yours