@weinerdog4life: Online piracy is bad, one time I downloaded a boat
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@SamuelHLowe: I live in fear of finding hidden cameras in my house & not being able to explain why I do all those random karate kicks directed at no one.
@Retacof: Officer: You were speeding. Me: I am trying to keep up with traffic. O: There Is no traffic. M: I am really far behind.
@LoveNLunchmeat: *puts on Rocky theme music* *cracks neck* *cracks knuckles* *stretches* *jogs in place* *picks up phone to call mom*
@girl_a_whirl: [invasion] *aircrafts dropping from the sky *explosions everywhere *mass hysteria Me scrolling phone: Where was that alien invader gif?