@weinerdog4life: Online piracy is bad, one time I downloaded a boat
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@whereami18: I hope my kids love the gifts they receive for Christmas so I'll have more things to take away when I need to punish them
@JohnLyonTweets: Not only was my brother not mad when I backed into his Porsche, he even invited me camping and said to bring a shovel. Whew!
@longwall26: That toddler on a leash at the mall might be an unstoppable killing machine. You really don't know.