@meganamram: "Only a good guy with a forest fire can prevent forest fires" - Smokey the NRA Bear
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@jimmytorosian: I bring giant stuffed animals into carnivals so when I walk around people will think that I am good at something.
@NakedHangover: Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.
@_Kim_Jongun: I hired a PR team. They said the public would like me more if I stopped executing people. I executed the PR team.
@see_more13: When I explained Twitter to my mother she said, "Sounds like group therapy where no one's getting better." Well played, Mom. Well played.