@meganamram: "Only a good guy with a forest fire can prevent forest fires" - Smokey the NRA Bear
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@trentistweeting: "doctor, help! my son shattered one of his kneecaps!" it's ok, the human body can survive on one kid-knee
@BonaFideIntent: HR: Me: HR: Me: HR:..87. Karen has lost 87 PERCENT VISION.. Me: HR: Me:..she looked at my cheese stick.. HR: Me: HR: Me: *eats cheese stick*
@Reverend_Scott: [party] What exactly does BYOB mean? "Bring your own beer" Bill Nye the Science Guy slowly slides the bacteria sample back in his lab coat
@weinerdog4life: Maybe the Titanic sank because there were too many cats onboard, you don't know.