@GinjaNinjaSarah: Only a mother's love ...
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@HomeProbably: My kid brother used to have a lazy eye and had to wear an eye patch. My whole body is lazy so I'm wearing my couch.
@DaddyJew: Legend has it that if you don't look a coworker in the eye they won't stop to tell you about their weekend.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Celebrity divorce statements remind us of the names they gave their kids. "We want to focus on raising our children, Shoe and Turbo Pickle."
@LostFelicia: I bought new sunglasses that blend well with the color of my hair so I won't feel so stupid the next time I lose them on the top of my head