@bourgeoisalien: Only death will keep me from you. Or cake. Or Netflix. Or kittens....hold on, I have a list.
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@Brianhopecomedy: Cashier: "Sir, the toilet paper you're buying goes on sale tomorrow." "COOL, I'LL CHECK WITH MY FAMILY TO SEE IF THEY CAN HOLD IT IN."
@stevedildarian: CNN is confirming that the only news in the world today is the blizzard. everything else is under control.
@realHamOnWry: Unless you're planning to lay there shirtless in an open casket, there really is no point to killing yourself with diet and exercise.
@desi_princess: Seriously you guys, the only reason to check Facebook, is to find out where people are going, and then go somewhere else.