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@TheBeerGuy73: Only God can judge me.
*gets hit by lightning*
@envydatropic: How long before your caterpillars will turn into butterflies?
Me looking at your eyebrows
@SteveSuckington: Boss: "you're fired"
Me: "I guess we're just gonna have to agree to disagree"
@iGreenMonk: TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
@CheryeDavis: He died doing what he loved...failing to read my mind.
@Cpin42: Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job?
[flashback to everyone chanting “SHIT PANTS”]
Me: It was just time for a change.