@SaraESpivey: Only in America would they name a state after a bucket of fried chicken.
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@liv_thatsme: *writes kid's name in sharpie on arm every morning instead of getting tattoo just in case they end up being a disappointment*
@deelizabeth_: Biden: So I got a bunch of balloons and when he gets here-- Obama: Joe, please Biden: --we're gonna rub them on his hair & see what happens
@WilliamAder: My second account is trying to drive a wedge of suspicion between me and my Twitter crush.
@candy_badass: Loneliness Status: Eating donuts and talking to the dog. He seems interested, but I think it's the donut.