@Brenton_Rodgers: Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
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@AndyAsAdjective: [team dumps Gatorade on head coach after victory but head coach just happens to be the Wicked Witch of the West] COACH: you idiots *melts*
@HomeProbably: What do you call a man who does all the cooking, cleaning and washing without complaint? Single.
@Gooooats: I accidentally typed my symptoms into IMDB instead of WebMD and it told me I have Gary Busey.