@BreadFoster: Only in New York will they pay $5 a bottle for cold water, but cry when it's free from the sky.
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@XplodingUnicorn: I accidentally dripped some mustard on my newborn daughter’s forehead and long story short a nurse just walked in and saw me lick the baby.
@AdamOfEarth: Girl, are you E=mc ²? Because I do not have the energy to figure out what is the matter with you.