@WilliamRodgers: ONLY Justin Bieber could make doing drugs look not cool...
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@ThaJawn: (Animal spelling bee) Owl: Your word is Mississippi Snake: M I Sssssss Sssssssss Badger: *in audience* OH FFS THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER
@hoeroins: someone just tweeted "do crabs think fish are flying" and i just know this is all i'll think about for the rest of the year
@Bacon_Ball: You can tell a lot by the way a woman walks. Like if she walks away, she's probably not into you.
@SortaBad: A good prank is to rent a Mercedes, stick a huge bow on it, and park it in front of your neighbor's house