@WilliamRodgers: ONLY Justin Bieber could make doing drugs look not cool...
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@kadyngriffiths: Thug: *shows tattoos of tear drops* So I remember each person I've killed. Me:*shows tattoo of an oven* So I remember to turn off the oven.
@brendohare: If I was on the Titanic I would have told the captain "Do not hit that iceberg," saving millions in the process
@Manda_like_wine: My cat just started kneading my back in bed and I said "not now" so wish us luck we're officially married.