@ChaseLori: Only people who've walked into a sliding glass door can laugh when a bird crashes into a window. Everyone else who does it is a racist.
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@iGreenMonk: I always carry a mushroom with me, just in case my enemy shows up & I need something to make me bigger.
@Knob_ish: Scroll Scroll Scroll your phone, gently down the screen. Merilly Merrily Merrily Merrily MY GOD THAT'S OBSCENE!!!!!!!!!
@david8hughes: [ultrasound] Dr: your baby is 7mm in length Me [whispering to wife]: ask him Wife [sighs]: what is that in fruit sizes?