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@StashTheTash: Real person: Do you have Twitter? I'll follow you! Me: Nope, sorry. Don't have a phone or a computer. Or a microwave. Hard times and all..
@ndmckeown: I keep my friends clothes and my enemies toaster.
As a result, they're now all my enemies, but they're naked & having cereal for brekkie.
@schumoo: "20 McNuggets for $5? That's like a quarter a nugget!" I exclaimed, hoping that my dinner date would be impressed with my math skills.
@sad_tree: *sees guy dressed as ghost for Halloween*
Hey buddy thats not funny, my grandma is a ghost
@Fred_Delicious: History Trivia: In many photographs of Hitler,a golden retriever wearing a Nazi uniform can be seen. This is notorious war criminal Herr Bud