@stevetweeters: Oops. Everyone brought their "see you next year"s to work today and I only brought my throat slashing gesture.
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@crunchenhancer: What's the difference between carbon monoxide and spouses? Carbon monoxide is a silent killer.
@biggsmoke814: Where's Jesus when you need him. There's only 2 fish sticks left and I've got company coming.
@ericsshadow: My wife reads two books a week and I just told my son that an idiom is a group of idiots.
@jdforshort: Apparently it's frowned upon to wipe sweat from the brow of a sexy guy at the gym Who knew