@stevetweeters: Oops. Everyone brought their "see you next year"s to work today and I only brought my throat slashing gesture.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: I played this as a kid. It's from back when video games made sense 6-year-old: Why did you jump on a turtle? Me: Because I'm a plumber
@nbadag: [christmas eve] SON: i’m gonna stay up late and catch santa claus! ME: listen kiddo, about santa SON: yea? ME: [whispering] he could snap u in half like a damn twig SON: what ME: he’s wily too. like a jackal