@stevetweeters: Oops. Everyone brought their "see you next year"s to work today and I only brought my throat slashing gesture.
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@_NTFG_: I'll tell you what's wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
@zwina_summer: My husband asked me why I never blink during sex, I told him there just isn't enough time.
@better_off_dad: CAT scans are just like regular scans, only the techs push you off the table after.
@TheMichaelRock: Me: We need to hire smarter people. HR: Why? Me: Is there someone smarter I can talk to about this? HR...