@stevetweeters: Oops. Everyone brought their "see you next year"s to work today and I only brought my throat slashing gesture.
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@fillthevacuum: "Ohhh, that's what you meant by period sex" I say, removing my powdered wig and waistcoat.
@NikiWithIssues: I have to stop saying "Because I'm Batman" all the time. It's not cute anymore. Oh wait. Yea it is! You know why? Because I'm Batman.
@david8hughes: [identifying body] Cop: this him? Me: yea Cop: he's burnt pretty bad huh Me: yea Cop: ... Me: ... Cop: prolly get a discount on cremation
@TEXASVETERAN: What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, it just waved. Sea what I did there? I'm shore you did. Laugh, you son of a beach!