@KKAlThani: "So tell me what you want, what you really, really want" - a hilarious waiter taking a Spice Girl's order

@iGreenMonk: I really can't believe the price some women pay for sunglasses. I'm starting to think it'd be cheaper to get the kitchen window tinted.

@ScottLinnen: Counted five pregnant women at this Noah matinee. Praying their water doesn't break.

@pleatedjeans: me: Hi it is nice to meet u. I am Jeff date: Are u reading off notecards M: Yes sex at ur place sounds gr-wait crap these are out of order

@sixthformpoet: People who ask themselves what Jesus would do seem to forget just how badly things worked out for him.