@trashtastica: Open heart surgery? No, just rip it out.
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@INDlAN_: [first day as tour guide on the moon] Me: keep your hats on Guy at the back: um they’re called helmets Me: yeah you can take your hat off.
@Ygrene: [being murdered] Me: did you get that knife out of the dishwasher Murderer: …yes Me: and you didnt empty it Murderer: [murder roles reverse]
@dshack8: Taught a parrot to repeatedly say "WHERE ARE YOUR GLOVES?" and now I don't have to talk to my kids until Spring so that's pretty cool.