@trashtastica: Open heart surgery? No, just rip it out.
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@WilliamAder: A woman at work told me I look younger with my glasses off. I told her she looked younger with my glasses off, too.
@TheAlexNevil: Not to brag, but I was voted "Most Likely To Mention Something Truly Insignificant As If It Was A Big Deal" by everyone who has ever met me.
@AaronFullerton: Always amazed when I see people slip guns into the back of their pants. How is that comfortable? How do you not get a weapon wedgie?