@Diversion50: "Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I'd been invited to an autopsy.
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@TheAlexNevil: Darth: You should not have come back, old man. Obi Wan: I DIDN'T. I was going to Alderaan. You caught our ship with a tractor beam. Idiot.
@Alex_LaVallee: My 4yr old daughter just charged me $47 for a fake cake she cooked in her pretend oven. I laughed. ... She stared at me until I paid her.
@QwertyJones3: Uh, guys... I just heard from my doctor, and it's bad news. If you've retweeted me recently, you should really go get yourself checked out.
@RealSugarFree: Does the 5 second rule count for a baby? Asking for... Nevermind, her mom picked her up.