@Diversion50: "Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I'd been invited to an autopsy.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@eyepluckeramit: Next time you're in the changing room and sales person asks if you need anything, just say "Yes, can I get some toilet paper?"
@sarcasticmommy4: Kids: Yay! Summer break! Me: Not so fast. Let me introduce you to...THE GREAT SUMMER CHORE CHART OF 2017! *3 kids faint, 1 runs away*
@gwatts77: Just ordered a pizza from Papa Johns online ordering system & it asked me if I had any instructions for the driver. Yes, "Bring weed, bro"