@Diversion50: "Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I'd been invited to an autopsy.
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@ThisOneSayz: Me: I've had this for 3 weeks & I'm still single! HomeDepot Clerk: ma'am, a stud finder is for the beams in your wall Me: that was unclear
@Beerhaze: Doing the splits is easy -- slip on the first snowy step when taking the dog out and let gravity (and panic) make you an Olympic gymnast!
@TheToddWilliams: I know it's International Women's Day but I'd like to give a shout out to all the national and local women as well.
@zdarsky: I want a SPIDERMAN GO app where I have to get pictures of spiderman for a furious j jonah jameson