@CatsForDinnerz: Opened a can of expired beans and an eagle flew out carrying a photo of a can of fresh beans. I nervously ate the photo while he observed.
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@Kyle_Raney: [hospital] "We found the problem. There's an entire sheep in your stomach." "Is that bahahaad?" "Yes. It's causing some internal bleating."
@discoken: I wrote "Clarence sale" instead of "clearance sale" and now there are angry old ladies here looking for a husband.