@kimlockhartga: Opened the back door and a tiny lizard fell from the sky. It's either a sign, or the smallest plague ever.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ilyaschaeffer: Netflix would be a great dating site. "Here are 20 other singles in your area who have also watched Shameless for 7 straight hours."
@KeetPotato: me: "why was she called the little mermaid, she was 5ft7?" therapist: "i meant anything bothering you about your marriage keith"