@kimlockhartga: Opened the back door and a tiny lizard fell from the sky. It's either a sign, or the smallest plague ever.
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@GrumpyComments: By the time you finish reading this tweet, you will be slightly closer to death than you were before. I hope it was worth it.
@iamspacegirl: Me: oh hi! Did you come over because I'm sad? How do you always know when I need you? Cat: get me my damn jingle mouse. Me: I love you too
@ehdannyboy: Wife: [looking out of window] Go and talk to our son. He's outside looking forlorn. Me: [goes outside] *points to grass* it's there u prick