@Phook75: Opening a bag of M&M's will produce no sound to a normal human. A toddler, it's like the atomic blast at Nagasaki to those creatures
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@darksidedeb: I accidentally dropped one of my husband's Viagra into my contact solution and now I'm cockeyed.
@HonestToddler: Tonight's bedtime story was about three pigs struggling with repeat home invasions. Thanks for the new fear.
@cbdoubleu: Not to brag, but I have the high score on 7 different blood pressure machines around the city. *enters initials
@SamGrittner: I've honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people