@Roxtalled: Opening a Twitter account is like opening a bag of money after you rob a bank. You're happy until shit explodes in your face.
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@SteveDutzy: My pics are real. I don't use any filters. I don't even use coffee filters. I eat coffee straight outta the container like a man
@ValeeGrrl: What I say: Get dressed Brush teeth Get in the car What my kids hear: Have a snack Shriek like monkeys Open 3 umbrellas indoors Go poop
@Henry_3k: *Goes back in time to kill the inventors of Twitter. Returns home to amaze friends on Facebook with endless jokes about vodka & pizza.*
@TheMichaelRock: The average family income has gone up 2% while the cost of living has increased 23%. - Me explaining to my son why he can't have a sister.