@OutOfLeftField_: Opera is what happens when someone stabs you and instead of dying, you sing.
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@Sassafrantz: Me: [opens front facing camera at a funeral and starts crying] "he must've meant a lot to her."
@GriffonTaylonYo: Barista: Can I get a name? Me: Free [Later] Barista: I've got a caramel macchiato for Free *fights break out as I smile from the corner*
@QwertyJones3: Watch it bro, your mouth's writing checks your body can't cash. Because you write really sloppy with the pen in your mouth. Seriously, wtf?
@LindaInDisguise: How to eat French fries: 1) Eat all the good ones. 2) Leave the yucky ones and feel superior. 3) Wait 5 minutes. 4) Eat all the yucky ones.