@twylaredsun: Opportunity knocks once, however temptation likes to lean on the door bell.
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@david8hughes: I went to the movies with a girl last night. I paid for the tickets & the snacks, & anything else I can before she reports her card stolen.
@ruinedpicnic: "Sorry but It's me or the label maker." [takes GIRLFRIEND label off her shirt] "Thank y-" [sticks on a label that says EX-GIRLFRIEND]
@JediGigi: Me: Has anyone ever told you that you look like Ryan Gosling? Him: Me? No, but thank- Me: Ok just making sure.
@omgthatspunny: All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen . Police have nothing to go on.