@twylaredsun: Opportunity knocks once, however temptation likes to lean on the door bell.
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@ScottyBondo: Just walked into my local court house, they were all sitting around in a circle with black candles and robes trying to summon a jury #funny
@kendracomedy: Whenever the Starbucks guy asks for my name I laugh and whisper "I'm seeing someone"
@hipstermermaid: Donald Trump is like the "Scream" movies in that he blurs the line between comedy and horror.
@awkwardphilippe: ME[David Attenborough voice] Starting with the outer layers he'll devour the entire carcass HER: are you narrating yourself eating lasagna?