@YayForJam: Order a pizza then act confused when it arrives. "A delivery for Aaron? Aarons DEAD. He DIED ordering a pizza in this house 10 years ago"
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: I think it's fun how Hollywood gets to make as many Superman movies as they want until they get it right.
@Schooney_Tunes: Got kicked out of Bed Bath & Beyond today for drawing pictures of Drake on their blankets, so they'd be extra soft.
@better_off_dad: *at divorce court Me: She hasn't touched Mr. Peppy in 10 years, your Honor. Judge: I'm sorry - What?? Her: I win, right?
@QwertyJones3: Dearly beloved, we are gathered together before God & these witnesses to observe the following: 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19 -Prime Minister