@JermHimselfish: Ordered a pizza. Delivery guy and I talked for 45 minutes about swords and he got fired. Now he lives here, we're gonna fight crime together
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@amishschool: Did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for eleven minutes.
@Blonde4Dayz: H: "Whatcha doing?" Me: "Going on twitter to hang out." H: "Twitter is an app, not a place." Me: *whispers venomously* "Is too a place!!"
@eedrk: alien: take me to your leader me: uh i'm the leader alien: oh, chill. anyway, me: why didnt you think i was the leader alien: no no, me: why
@T_Bonezzz_: [INFOMERCIAL] "Order now and receive 50% off The Clapper. CLAP ON.. CLAP OFF.. THE CLAPPER" Tyrannosaurus rex: *Sighs... *Changes channel