@JermHimselfish: Ordered a pizza. Delivery guy and I talked for 45 minutes about swords and he got fired. Now he lives here, we're gonna fight crime together
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@jbillinson: Biden: "Guess who just upper-decked the toilet outside the Oval Office?" Obama: "Dammit Joe, I have to live here for two more months"
@TimmyPumpkin: *takes a sip* this wine has a full body, hint of honey, and a rich pallet. "sir that's windex." yes, yes, ill take a bottle.
@WheelTod: If asked at a job interview "what's your biggest weakness", test their tolerance for honesty by replying "mortality"
@FredPollack: Had trouble sleeping today. They added a trumpeter to this morning's church service.