@haurdCider: Origami was invented by a young Japanese child trying to hide his report card.
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@ThRealBallsDeep: Me:Siri, why don't I have any friends? Siri:*shows me my Google search history* M:Good call.
@Up2Long: I just did my budget for June. If I don't buy food ... I won't need toilet paper. I think I'm on to something here.
@ThaJawn: (Kid's Bday Party) Kid: Who are you? I'm you, from the future, don't eat that cake! K: *puts cake down, runs away crying *eats his cake
@DomesticGoddss: I have been successfully sitting in chairs for over 40 years without falling off--a skill I apparently didn't pass on to my boys.