@NicestHippo: Oscar nominations are out. Let's experience actual emotion about multimillionaires giving each other gold
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@LoveNLunchmeat: No thanks, body wraps. If I believed magic would make me thinner, I'd eat a wizard.
@Alexclaimer: *walks up to IKEA return counter *rips receipt into tiny pieces *tells the clerk to put it together himself
@KalvinMacleod: HER: I’m leaving you ME: Is it because I’m too literal? HER: no it's just we're not working out ME: *buys both of us a gym membership*