@juliussharpe: Oscar Pistorius has the worst alibi ever. Who the hell would break into your house to rob your bathroom?
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@_Kim_Jongun: My latest missile blew up on the launch pad. But it exploded so fast Americav couldn't tell what type it was. I'm not telling. Checkmate.
@BritXNic: My waxer just cancelled. So I'm making the best of a bad situation and riding around on top of minivans, Teen Wolf style.
@Real_Dick_Head: Establish dominance by sitting close to the buffet and growling every time someone walks up to get food.
@bourgeoisalien: serious question: when someone's telling you a horrible story and they're crying; how long should I wait before take a bite of my corn dog?