@Social_Mime: Oscillating fans are for people that want to be cool every 5-7 seconds.
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@Sickayduh: When life tosses me a football, I'm the ref who's not looking and everyone laughs when I get booped in the face
@ValeeGrrl: Taught daughter to make toast & she already knows how to do boxed Mac n cheese so now she's all caught up to my level of culinary prowess.
@meladoodle: The new options on Facebook look like the life cycle of every relationship I've ever had
@jonnysun: "the names bond, james bond" [5 min later] STARBUCKS BARISTA: i gota frappe for borbjorbple