@Social_Mime: Oscillating fans are for people that want to be cool every 5-7 seconds.
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@Brampersandon_: [Mom]: My son's voice is changing [Dr.]: Thats normal at his age [Mom]: This is normal? *fax machine noises are coming from the kid's mouth*
@Mikel_Jollett: Instagram: My life is a party. Snapchat: My life is a quirky tv show Facebook: My life turned out great! Twitter: We're all going to die.
@DuckhouseMedia: Me, December 2016: I'm going to buy this juicer and lose some weight in January Me, January 2017: I have eaten the juicer
@envydatropic: There's something mentally wrong with people who ask other parents if their baby isn't the cutest baby they've ever seen